Why do we have to feel sadness in order to know what is happiness? Why can’t we just feel different level of happiness and with no sadness as a benchmark?

These few days I have been trying to hold back my tears. I feel like a loser. I feel like a obstacle. I feel like a burden. I feel like… the world would be a better place without me. No one knew I suffered mild depression and I had thoughts of suicide. But I told myself to stay strong because there are people who relied on me. If I fall, they will too. & I am not going to let that happen.

I can’t remember if I had mention that I might be moving in with my sister and her husband. As first, I was excited to finally live together with our family. Then, I got less excited when I got to hear that he wasn’t really happy about it. And lastly, I felt reluctant but I got no choice to move in together. I feel somehow, my mom, bro and I are creating troubles for my sister. I have tried to be as polite and respectful as I can. Taking as much responsibilities as I can. It doesn’t seems enough. I am not complaining. I know how to be grateful. & I am.

I just wish I could do better. Why am I such a loser?


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